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What Have I Done With My Life?

What Have I Done With My Life? - Fronam's Diary

What Have I Done With My Life? is a question we all have asked ourselves at some point in our lives and probably failed to answer it.

As I grow older I’ve stopped enjoying birthdays because everybody wants to know when I’m getting married….eye rolls. (Try to imagine this but don’t get carried away lol; I’m an asian girl, 31 years old, eldest of the siblings and my brothers have girlfriends and are ready to tie the knot.)

However,  in the last 2 years, I’ve started enjoying my birthday all over again (the pressure to get married still lingers but I’m trying to look pass that). I try to console myself by thinking that age is just a number.

So, this year on my 31st birthday (wish I was 13, not that I behave like one. who else feels the same?), I decided to look back at my life and celebrate the things I have achieved so far. They might be very small but they made a huge difference to my life and the person that I am today.

Let’s see how this goes….. Feel free to join in and we can try to answer this question together.

Confidence 

I’ve always been a shy kid and never had the confidence to speak up. I used to be so scared that anxiety would take the better of me. I’ve come a long way and I owe this to my job at Heathrow airport. Talking over the phone to people from around the globe gave me the confidence to speak up and stand up for myself and not let people take advantage of me. Before I would just keep quiet and wouldn’t raise my ideas or my opinions but now I cannot shut up lol.

Being Strong
This is the only photo I have of when I first moved to UK and damn i had very long hair 🙂 Also, I’m from wearing a faux fur jacket (#justsaying)

Physically, I’m still working towards but I mean mentally. There has been so many instances in my life that tore me but I somehow managed to stand up,  fight harder and stronger every single time life tried to knock me down.

The first incident that I can remember was when I lost my ‘first love’ at the age of 16. I had newly moved to UK and he was in India. Long story short; his car came under a lorry and he succumbed to his injuries. I never my feelings because I was scared of rejection and confidence was hardly there). My life was shattered and my heart was in pieces.
I put on a mask for the world and when night drew in, I put a blanket over my face and cried my soul out. Since then, I mastered the art of wearing a mask and I’m quite good at it.
This was just one of many incidents that tested my patience, my ability, my strength and I nearly failed once when I tried to commit suicide but fortunately the tablets never worked and I’m still here, working on fulfilling my dreams and encouraging others to follow theirs.
 Fulfilling My Dreams (one of many)

Since I moved to U.K., my dream was to visit Lake District (post coming soon). It took me 13 years to fulfil that dream but last year, I just booked my train tickets and that’s exactly how the dream of visiting Lake District became a reality. It’s one of those places that you have to see to believe that places like these exists in England. 

Getting Drunk On Beer 

December 2015, I decided to visit my family in Mumbai and spent New Year with them (I’ve missed out on a lot of family gatherings and New Year is one of  them) 

I travelled alone to Mumbai. The best part of travelling alone is that you don’t have your parents to tell you what to do and what not to do. This was also the year I decided to try beer and when I say try, I drank almost 4 cans like it was water. Thought I could handle the drink but I was so wrong.  I couldn’t get up from the seat. My aunt was talking to me but I was in a different world, my head had started spinning and I couldn’t even see straight lol. I don’t remember what happened after that apart from diving into food like i was hungry for a week.

It was so much fun that we partied 3 nights continuously in a row. It was one hell of a new year to remember. Memories for a life time.

Road Tripping (Making My Own Decisions)

Spontaneous trips turn out to be the best and this was nothing different. While I was in Mumbai, I decided to take full on advantage of the fact that my parents were not with me. So, no restrictions and limitations and no one to answer to. I made my own decisions and did whatever I wanted to do without having to take permission from my parents (Yes, I am 31 and I still have to take permission from my parents)

Going on a road trip with my cousins and my uncle was one of the best trips ever. The amount of food consumed on this trip was record-breaking for me. 

Food/Eating Habit 

I’ve been a fussy eater since I was a kid. I wouldn’t eat onions, potatoes, tomatoes, no vegetables. If I could stay hungry I would (abnormal right?). I survived on dinner for so many years (haven’t got a clue how I did that) and now I eat like a pig. Every 5 minutes I get hungry. 

This is a big thing for me because I’ve always wanted to put on weight and combat my eating disorder and have to stop listening to people calling me skinny bitch (that’s another topic to talk about).

There are a lot of other things but this post will be a very long one (it already is) so I’m gonna end here because I’m hungry now 😛

The reason behind this post was to give ourselves some credit for the things that we achieved so far and to pen down some answers to the famous question; ‘What Have I Done With My Life?‘. 

We always focus on the future and the things that we want to achieve and the dreams we want to fulfil (I’m not saying we shouldn’t) but sometimes, we should take a pause and reflect on the goals we have accomplished, the dreams we have fulfilled and to be proud of  whatever we have done in our life so far because circumstances and life has not always been on our side but we survived and our perseverance paid off. 

I tend to beat myself too hard sometimes thinking that I’m 31 and I haven’t done anything in my life. Things get a billion times worse when I try to weigh my achievements (I’m sure you do the same as well right?) because comparing me to others is not the solution. That is why I’ve decided to compare and compete with myself. 

Whenever you feel low and start doubting yourself, take motivation and inspiration from what you have achieved so far.  If you cannot find something, you are not focussing. Look deeper, try harder because everyone and I mean everyone has got something good to take away. It’s up to you and me to look at this good within ourselves and draw inspiration to help us work towards our future goals. 

So, when the question ‘What Have I Done With My Life‘ pops up again (believe me it will) you have an answer ready or you know where to look for the answer, because it lies within you!

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An asian adventurous girl whose 'dream is to travel' through Northern India -countries, places, anything connected to Himalayas especially Kashmir (considered to be one of the most dangerous places yet a paradise on earth). The mentality that 'Marriage is the answer to every problem' should be flushed out of our mind.

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Hi, My middle name is Rona and first and last initial is FM (like FM radio) in that order. Complicated you say? well my whole life has been. Out of these complication, FRonaM was born!
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